The Truth about Trying

On the eve of my egg retrieval surgery I feel the impulse to write this blog, so everyone who knows and loves me is aware I am not ashamed or keeping quiet about our infertility.

Infertility:  an inability to get or stay pregnant after a year of trying if you’re under 35, or six months if you’re older. 

A few months ago in Redbook Magazine I read an article called, “The Truth about Trying”.  It is a no-shame campaign for women (and men) who are unable to have children on their own.  Did you know that 7.3 million people suffer with infertility?  That is 1 in 8 women that will struggle with having a family.  Woah. That means that someone close to you is struggling and you may not even know it!

Something that I have come to notice through this three year journey is that people don’t openly talk about infertility.  This is horrible because it is such a sad and lonely time for any person to go through.  The feeling of wanting to be a parent so bad that it hurts is something that I wouldn’t want anyone to experience.  People really don’t want to hear about you not being able to get pregnant or know how to react to hearing it.  I can’t tell you how many people are shell shocked when they ask, “When are you both going to start your family?” and I tell them we have been trying for three years!  They usually regret asking the question. Or people like to give you advice on TTC (trying to conceive), “Stop trying and it will happen, just relax, if it’s meant to be you will have a child…. yada yada.”
FACT:  DO NOT give people advice about starting a family unless you have been through infertility and also please NEVER say, “Why don’t you just adopt. You know that they say you will get pregnant after you adopt?” Adoption is NOT a cure for infertility! 
SUMMING IT UP:  Try not to ask anyone when they are going to start their family, it is a very personal question.  If they want to tell you, they will.  Stick to “How is the weather?”  🙂

I have found by documenting our journey on this blog that it helps get my feelings out in the open and I have hopes that I may help someone going through the same journey find a friend to be able to relate to.  I met one of my most cherished friends on a Trying to Conceive Forum two years ago.  I have no idea how I would have gone through these past few years without her support.  Women need to reach out and talk about their feelings about this serious disease (yes, it’s a disease.)  I sometimes refer to infertility as a “club” and unless you are in it… you will never completely understand what it feels like not to be able to have a child.

My hopes are that people start talking about infertility more and become less ashamed.  Let’s get this infertility monster out of the closet!  You never know who you will touch just by telling your story.  Someone who has kept the secret of not being able to have a baby may feel joy by learning that you know what the pain feels like and they can connect with you at a heart level.

“It’s crazy to me that this topic is still taboo,” says participant Rosie Pope, 31, who talks about her battle to become a second-time mom — and her shock at all the denial out there — in her video. The star of Bravo’s Pregnant in Heels says, “A lot of people who have gone through IVF and managed to have kids shove it under the rug and pretend it never happened. In Hollywood, you can talk about your drug addiction or divorce, but not infertility. It’s a real disservice to women.” 
Read more: Dealing With Infertility – Trying to Get Pregnant – Redbook 

After 3 long weeks of shots, blood draws and ultra sounds.. tomorrow is my surgery to remove my eggs!  I am nervous and scared, but am excited that our IVF journey is coming to a close.  I am so proud of the woman that I have become in trying to become a mother, our marriage has become rock solid and we have and are overcoming the biggest trial we have had to face so far as husband and wife.  As we come up on our four year anniversary Thursday, I know that there is nothing we can’t overcome together 🙂
Now with a positive attitude and many prayers, we will hope for a safe transfer sometime in the next few days and a healthy pregnancy to follow  😉

If you or someone you know is struggling with Infertility please send them the article above or watch the videos from the link below.  Love on them, support them, and listen to them because all someone needs who is infertile… is a friend.


A very long week at the doctors office

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope that everyone else did as well!  Even with everything we have going on I felt that it was a successful first Turkey Day.  I will do a post in the next day or so, because it really did turn out fantastic 🙂

I can honestly say that never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would spend as much time at a doctor’s office as I have this week.  I have been to the doctor every morning for the past 6 of 7 days for ultrasounds and blood draws.  Luckily I had Thanksgiving Day off 🙂  I was supposed to have Saturday off as well, but the super duper blood draw people that I had to go Friday (because everyone else was closed) DIDN’T DRAW THE RIGHT VIAL!  Yep, you read that correctly.  I had to give blood on Friday for no good reason at all!  So then of course I had to go to another location that was open on Saturdays to do another blood draw so my RE could check my levels.  Special.  I’m pretty sure if I wouldn’t have done an acupuncture session on Friday I may have gone on a rampage, but I am finding it calms me down and I don’t get headaches anymore from all these crazy hormones 🙂

Going into this IFV journey I knew it would be an adventure, but this is almost on the verge of insanity.  Dr’s visits everyday, traveling to different locations to get my blood drawn since my cycle was not only on the weekend, but a holiday weekend no less, the two nightly injections and then deciding to do acupuncture as well…  I pray today was our last day of the shots and should find out at my appointment tomorrow morning if I need to do my “trigger shot.”  And that means only good things folks!!  🙂  My surgery is about 36 hours after the trigger shot and then we will become closer and closer to being pregnant.  I am praying that at this time next week I can truthfully say we are pregnant and then many prayers to follow to make sure the embryos grow into healthy babies 😉

Ps.  Of course I had to show a picture of how I am starting to look like a drug addict from all of the blood draws!

Almost there….. 😉

A day of many needles

We are already more than halfway done already with our IVF cycle! Hard to believe that next week we will be finished with this crazy stuff and hopefully be pregnant.

Today was a special day as I was stuck with more needles than most could imagine. I had my blood drawn (and an ultrasound) at my appointment this morning, my two daily super duper fun shots and my first accupuncture appointment. If I didn’t feel like a pincushion before, i do after today! The accupuncture isn’t a requirement, but after lots of research and a referral from a friend I decided it couldn’t hurt our chances of a successful transfer. Of course it is another added expense that isn’t cheap! We decided our child will now be born with gold chains AND a gold “grill.”. 🙂

I loved the accupuncture. It was one of the most relaxing things I have ever experienced and I have been in an amazing mood today. And for those close to me know, those days have been few and far between since starting IVF.
Things are good and moving along at a steady pace. I was told today that I now have to go into the dr again tomorrow, which leaves my only day off this week Thanksgiving. I am thankful for that for sure :).

Had another funny shot moment this weekend… The hubs and I went out of town for a night and decided to stop at the outlet malls in Roundrock on the way home. We shopped longer than we thought and before we realized it was 30 minutes past my shot time! We rushed to the car and Chris played chemist in the car and gave me both my shots. Hilarious. He kept worrying someone was going to call the cops and report us for doing drugs! Ahhh… This journey is at least bringing about plenty of laughs :).

Here’s to a great week!
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your friends and family!

A week in the bag!

Well, our first week of our IVF cycle is officially behind us. Besides feeling like one of those red tomato pincushions and a constant headache, all is well. Today is when the “big boy” shots in my rear end. Not looking forward to those VERY large needles! I can and will do this 🙂

Funny side note: we were told our injections should be within an hour of the start time each day. My best friend came home from Charleston this past weekend and I attended a friend’s wedding with her Saturday night. Since I had a timeline, my bestie gracefully gave me my shot in the bathroom of the historic Sunset Station :). And of course I had to take a picture to remember this hilarious event! I love that I will look back at this crazy journey and she will have had a special part in it.

The box

Today was the day our IVF cycle became very real.

We received a LARGE box with all of the meds that I will have to be on this month. Holy jeeze! Here is a big, fun looking box at your doorstep and once you open it up…. It isn’t fun at all!

Chris actually opened the box because there is a sticker on the front that says to open immediately because some items may need refrigerated. I didn’t even ask him how he felt while unpacking the box, but it was quite overwhelming to look at when he sent me a picture.

At first glance, I felt like throwing up. 65% of the box is some kind of needle. I really, really, really hate needles. I am a previous “passer-outer” when it comes to shots/blood draws. The only good thing about my miscarriage was my ability to get used to shots after having my blood drawn every week for 6 weeks. It wasn’t until I got home tonight that it really hit me. I came into the kitchen and saw the display of the box’s contents on our kitchen table and tried to ignore it and started making dinner. As my meatloaf baked in the oven I decided it would be ok to start going through everything. A vial of some strange liquid here, a needle there, a big red needle disposal box…. I broke, and hard. It was definitely what you call an “ugly cry.”  The flood of emotions on what we were having to do to have a child was taking control. My poor husband had no idea what to do with me. I did feel better once I let it all out, but I am pretty confident that this won’t be the last time I break down.  I am keeping strong, focusing on the Lord and leaving no doubt that this will work but sometimes I can only help but be human.

My post-op and another ultrasound is scheduled with my RE Wednesday morning and that is the day that all of the fun officially starts. Until then I plan on having my last adult beverages and getting myself prepared for the next few weeks.