Our Nightmare before Christmas

I adore the Holiday Season. The Christmas songs on repeat, the hustle and bussle of the shoppers, the decorations, Christmas lights…the absolute joy I feel during the season celebrating Jesus.
I ran back into my future hubby on Christmas night many years ago, we had our first date a few days before New Years and decided to get married during the Holiday Season in ’07. December has always been a month to celebrate.
And now…now, I feel a dark cloud looming over my happy- joyous time of year. I just got the call. We had a failed IVF cycle, I am not pregnant. I have so much grief inside of me that the tears just keep coming. How could we have gone through all of that… And be unsuccessful? I have no clue what the future holds in store for us, or if we will give up on our dream of being parents. As of now I have never been so grateful to have a vacation planned in a few days. New Orleans has a way of making people feel good no matter what may be going on 🙂

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and love through all of this.
Happy Holidays,

The longest week of my life!!!

I remember my doctor explaining to me on the day of the transfer how terrible the 2ww (two week wait) would be. I laughed it off because after 3 years of trying to have a baby I have been through MANY 2ww’s. Little did I know how painful this wait would be. After all the time at the doctors office, tons of money and many shots it brings waiting to find out if we are indeed having a child…..intense! Wow, how will I ever survive another week of wondering?

Good thing I’m having a party this weekend to keep me distracted and staying in The Word also sounds like a great idea 🙂

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see”
-Hebrews 11:1

I’m pregnant!

It feels so strange to say that I’m pregnant!  Even though I know that we physically saw the embryos that are in my body, we still have to wait a few weeks until we get an official positive on a pregnancy test.  I am staying optimistic and not letting myself believe for one second that this will not work.  I don’t even mind the VERY large needle that my husband is having to give to me in my butt every night because I know that it is helping the pregnancy!

The egg retrieval on Wednesday went well.  It was definitely not one of my bravest moments though, as I was terrified.  I think most of the problem was that the procedure was done in the back of my doctors office and not in a hospital environment.  The very sweet nurse who did my IV was trying to push through anti- nausea medicine which made me feel like barfing and dying all at once.  The poor thing didn’t know what to do with me!  I think I would’ve been better if I was laying down instead of sitting, but who knows.  Then the room that the procedure was in looked like a torture chamber and I thought about calling the whole thing off….. that is until I got the “happy juice” and fell fast asleep.  I woke up from the anesthesia to the loud blaring of the fire alarm.  Special.  I was told that 12 eggs were taken out.  The recovery wasn’t too bad except for being crazy bloated (not being able to wear anything but sweatpants bloated,) for two days.  Thursday I got a call from the embryologist who told me 7 of those eggs were healthy fertilized embryos.  Our running joke for those few days is that we had a “litter” somewhere in a petri dish 🙂

We were then told we would get a call Saturday morning to tell us if our transfer day would be Saturday @1 or Monday.  We had plans to volunteer for our favorite charity, The Childrens Hunger Fund’s annual toy wrap Saturday morning.  And as soon as we pulled into the parking lot I got the call that the transfer was to be that day!  I was excited but also scared.  Today was the day I was going to be pregnant!  We stayed for a bit and then went to my first acupuncture appointment before the transfer.  We were both in great spirits before the actual transfer because we knew that the journey of trying to become parents was coming to an end!

And another amazing thing is they gave us pictures of our babies (embryos) before they did the procedure.  Wow.  It is pretty cool that we can see our child(ren) before they are even visible babies!

It felt amazing to have my husband by my side through the transfer and I felt calm and at ease.  After they made the transfer involving a catheter and the two embryos I asked Chris, “Was it as good for you as it was for me?”  HA HA!  I thought the embryologist and nurse were going to die they were so uncomfortable.  Our doctor and Chris laughed 🙂

So.. the last two days have consisted of me being a couch potato (which isn’t as fun as it sounds.)  I have to go back into the doctor Tuesday for a blood draw to check my progesterone levels.  Then is the very long wait until the 15th when we go in for a pregnancy test.  It’s going to be a very long 11 days!!  Send prayers our way!

Have a great week,