This past Tuesday in yet another doctors visit with my mom, I came to the conclusion..,.my mom is officially turning into a woman that I have never known. My strong, active, independent, very social, compassionate mother is slowly disappearing.
Two years ago I started to notice changes in my mom. She started to forget things she never would before, she wasn’t socializing with anyone and numbers were starting to really confuse her. I became worried and knew I needed to take action. After MANY visits to her primary doctor and her telling me that there wasn’t anything wrong with my mom month after month (I still have anger towards this woman because I’m pretty dang sure I know if my mom is having problems.). I took action and got referred to a neurologist who could maybe give us more answers. We had MANY visits and tests done ranging from a 4 hour memory/psychological test to an MRI. She was terrified during of all these and looked to her 28 year old daughter for strength. At that time I know I couldn’t give it to her because I really wanted to believe she was ok, so I could selfishly go on living my own life with my husband. Since her father died of Alzheimer’s she would cry to me with grief that she didn’t want the same fate. After everything was said and done they told me she was just fine? Seriously people? Sadly, I accepted the diagnosis, but still fought to keep her on one of her memory medications. I moved her into a retirement community, rented out her house and started paying her bills but didn’t go any further with getting any answers.
Fast forward a year…..there have been many indicators in that time that put up a massive red flag; losing her keys at the gas station, not being able to pay her bills or handle money, over dosing on her meds, not knowing what day it is and my new favorite of her calling me 10x/day (no exaggerating).
It was so easy to be selfish and put off making new dr appointments for my mom. I just want her to be the woman who I have always known who comforts me as we walk through this infertility journey and my adult life. Sadly, she has no idea what is going on. One day last month she actually called me and asked how the baby was. It felt like a sharp dagger through my stomach. What baby?
Tuesday we both got the news we already knew but it was still hard to take. My mom officially has Alzheimers disease. After mass quantitys of paper/verbal tests the new dr came to this conclusion. They actually say you can’t “officially” diagnose until death but he said the tests proved she was well on her way to Stage 2. She looked at me and started crying, my heart broke for her…for us. I can confidently say my mom will never be the same.
The hardest part of it all is being unsure that if what I’m doing for her is the right thing. I can officially say that being a care
taker is the hardest job I have ever had. We shall see if that stays true once I become a mom!