Entering Motherhood

As I start my 18th week of pregnancy I find it hard to believe this beautiful journey is halfway over!  There are still days when I worry about the baby and have to look down at my ever expanding belly to remind myself that I am not dreaming.  This is real.  It finally happened.  It has been such an enjoyable experience with no bad symptoms and I haven’t driven my husband crazy…. yet!  🙂
I am trying to soak in every moment of this experience, because I have no clue if we will ever be able to get pregnant again.  I CAN’T WAIT to start feeling the baby kick,  as I hear this is one of the most incredible parts of pregnancy.  I “think” I have felt it, but am not 100% sure.  I would also like to apologize because I know some of you thought that I would be posting non stop about this miracle and that hasn’t been the case!  I am doing good just keeping up with the pregnancy journal!  Part of me still doesn’t want to be “that” pregnant person on social media.  I remember the pain and agony of reading fb/blog posts and all that was ever said was about their wonderful pregnancy and it would be a knife to my heart.  I know our journey to parenthood has been a bit different, but only plan on posting every so often 🙂

This pregnancy really has torn me up in regards to my own mother.  The fact that she has no clue we are finally expecting makes my heart break into pieces.  When I was younger my mom would get so excited about her baby girl becoming a mother!  I always imagined we would shop for the baby together, she would call me constantly bugging me about how I’m feeling and how the baby is doing and want to be apart of every special moment.  This couldn’t be farther from the truth.  When I see her every week she never mentions it.  I have to remind her and she says “That’s so great”, but that is about it.  This last week my belly really popped out and she asked if I was gaining weight.  Super.  My heart also breaks for my mom because I know she is upset she is where she is mentally and would change it if she could.  Before her memory started getting bad a few years ago me having a baby was all she could talk about, she couldn’t wait!  That was also one of the reasons why she moved to Texas after we were married was to be closer to her grandchildren.

I am trying not to feel sorry for myself or be upset about the situation because I do have wonderful people surrounding me, but she is my mother.  She gave birth to me.  I can only ask God to give me strength and wisdom as I enter motherhood myself to show our child how much I love them and enjoy every moment because life is short and you never know what the future holds.  <3