Most days I am overjoyed and so incredibly Blessed at my growing belly. I feel my sweet little girl inside of me and can’t help but thank God for this opportunity that I never thought I would experience. I can’t think of anything more exciting or wonderful than having a baby with the love of my life and finally becoming a mother.
Other days I am scared and unsure when I have to think about my own mother and the decisions that need to be made. Here recently she has been declining as the Alzheimer’s is taking control and I have had to take my blinders off and stop procrastinating on taking the next step with her care. The biggest red flag for me is that she is no longer taking her medications. She is hiding them in a drawer. Other things like the lack of personal hygiene and constant confusion are revealing to me that the disease is progressing and not showing any signs of slowing down. Most of the medical professionals I have spoken to have said that Early Onset Alzheimer’s moves much faster than the disease that plagues older adults.
There is also the sad, but some what funny story of her at our gender reveal party last month. If you read my last blog you would know we found out the sex of our baby by eating cake pops. Every one of our guests got a pop and we were all going to bite into them at the same time. Well, don’t you worry… mom just thought she was being handed something sweet and totally ate it right away! I happened to walk right by her and saw a stick in her hand as she chowed down. I must have looked horrified because she goes, “What’s wrong?” with the entire ball of cake still in her mouth. I saw dark, so I assumed we were having a boy. Turns out… she must have be given a brownie pop by mistake, because inside the gender reveal pops were pink! Praise God! 🙂
All kidding aside these last few weeks I have really had to rely on prayer and pull strength from deep down inside of me. My husband and I did a visit to an assisted living facility a few weeks ago and even though I knew we had found the right place for her, I had a major meltdown after leaving. I actually wanted to cry the moment we walked into the door. I know my pregnancy hormones play a part, but the fact that I am having to make this life changing decision for her is a lot to take in. This will more and likely be the place she lives the rest of her days. Heavy stuff.
We prayed about our decision and feel that we found the best place for her. Even though it is painful to “give up control” of taking care of my mother, I know that this is the best thing for her. We will move her into an Assisted living facility in three weeks and honestly part of me is relieved. I know my sweet baby will enjoy a little less stress as well.
My mother will not be around for my daughter liked I had always hoped she would be, but I pray that these past few years of being my mother’s caregiver will help me be the best mother I can be for my own daughter and never take life for granted.