Today I took a step back from my life and still can’t believe how much things have changed since I have become a parent. Now don’t get me wrong, I thought I “knew” how our life would be; no sleep, less freedom, etc etc
Honestly now I can say I had no idea what exactly being a parent would be like. Along with that lack of sleep comes this love. A love that is completely indescribable to anyone who has yet to have the privilege to become a parent. It absolutely shakes you to the core. I look at my beautiful miracle and many of my little moments with her bring me to tears. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be her mommy. Don’t get me wrong, the loud crying, nasty diaper blowouts and unpredictability of what each day brings can really stink, but I would not trade it for the world.
These past two months have been a hot mess. Having a newborn is intense and as a first time mom I felt as if time was standing still and I would forever be on this crazy ride. Someone recently told me being a parent means, “The days go by slow and the years fast.” Definitely the truth.
More than anything I have wanted to sit down and write, but there has been absolutely no time. Taking care of a newborn is serious business and I am just now feeling like I have a little bit more control of my days. Finally, I am starting to feel that I am figuring this mommy thing out! 🙂
I have felt so lost with all of my thoughts pounding around in my head and not having the time to get them out. I am doing some writing, but mainly for her. I am keeping up with her 1st year book, pregnancy journal and a journal that I have been writing to her since before she was conceived and have also written a few posts but have never published them.
The fact that I am finally able to sit down and pound out a blog post makes me so very happy. I am starting to feel like myself again and not this zombie of a new mom just changing poopy diapers and putting her to my boob to eat!
Since becoming a mother myself some deep rooted emotions that having a mother with early onset Alzheimer’s brings have surfaced. The past few years of taking care of my mother I believe I was going through the motions of making sure she was taken care of. Now she is in a facility to help her with her disease and I am in somewhat of a grieving phase. I am not quite ready to publish my feelings, but with The Lord’s help I know I will be able to move into acceptance of this new reality. I know that having a daughter of my own was a wink from Him, everything happens with His perfect timing.
In other news …I am finally doing my first half marathon! I am really excited about it and started training in May! Last year my husband and I had signed up for the Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon and I got pregnant a month later. Thank goodness they announced a 5K, so I could at least experience a little bit of what it was like to be in a big race. What energy! I loved looking around at everyone around me who had spent months and months preparing for this one moment… to accomplish a goal of crossing the finish line. This year I feel even more convicted to accomplish this goal. We are doing The Chosen in which all proceeds will go to a friend from church who is adopting a sweet little boy. I simply can’t wait for the experience of seeing how God moves all 13.1 miles in New Braunfels in October. If you are interested in walking or running with us, please let me know. There is also the option to “sleep walk” if you want to donate. If adoption tugs at your heart strings like it does mine, please consider helping!
Here’s to hoping that now that my beautiful daughter is on more of a schedule that I have more time to stretch my fingers on the keyboard again. My life has become even crazier of a ride, but I’m loving every minute of it!
Have a great weekend.