Hard to believe that on this day three years ago my midwife transferred me to the hospital because of high blood pressure. I remember the anxiety I had that morning. Not only because my birth plan was officially shot and I would no longer be giving birth at the Birth Center, but the anticipation of being a first time parent. What would this journey hold for us? Could we do it? Our little angel didn’t end up being born for two more days. I was two days shy of being 42 weeks pregnant! No joke this kids personality shows her stubbornness. She is extremely bright, but try to tell her something that she does not want to do and watch out!
Here we are three years later and I am weeks away from having my THIRD child! Seriously insane. I still can’t even believe it. I say that it is insane because for over 4 years I was labeled an “infertile.” No amount of fertility drugs or treatments helped us and we were left in a state of despair at not being able to have children. It was such a dark time for us both. We relied on God and knew that the promise in our heart would come to fruition someday. We just had no idea it would happen so quickly!
“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end- it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.’
Fast forward to now our third sweet little miracle (A BOY!) and I am grateful, yet terrified. How did this happen? Ok… Ok… I know what you are thinking. I know HOW it happened… 😉 After all that we had gone though with having our first child, when I was nursing Addy I honestly didn’t even think it was possible for me to get pregnant so quickly with our second.
This time I am sad to admit that tears were my first reaction. This was absolutely NOT my plan. We had been careful. This third pregnancy has been accompanied with a roller coaster of emotions. First of all how will we ever survive THREE children 3 and under?? My days now are spent as more of a referee as the 2 and 1 year old constantly fight over things. This afternoon both of them wanted to have snuggles from mom.. at the same time. Which is challenging when I am also carrying a large basketball in my belly. There is some relief knowing that once I am not pregnant anymore the physical part of having small children will get easier for me. Even though I am still working out, I still find these stages with the girls hard being in my third trimester with our son.
Today I was talking to one of my dear friends about how I have massive fear about our third child. With the second I had the thoughts of “Will I ever love this little girl like the first?”, “How will our marriage change with two children?” “Will I ever sleep, etc. etc.” With my son my thoughts have been of disbelief, fear and honestly I catch myself being ungrateful for this sweet Blessing because I am just so overwhelmed already. This motherhood thing is hard and no joke. Especially being a stay at home mom.
She reminded me that fear is not something given by God. And gave me this scripture that I plan on writing out and posting.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self- control”
2 Timothy 1:7
Ahhhh… the word is so refreshing. That was exactly what I needed. I have such an amazing group of women in my tribe and am so grateful for each of them. <3
This is my current view. I am so Blessed. The Lord knows what we can handle and I know that even on the tough days, which I am sure will be plenty, He will equip me. I have an absolutely incredible husband and two beautiful daughters. Somehow this little man of ours will fit in to our family and make it complete. I encourage anyone that may be waiting for something… a baby, a husband, a job, anything.. to hold the faith. God always has perfect timing and as my life is a testimony, he can work miracles!!