Our Nightmare before Christmas

I adore the Holiday Season. The Christmas songs on repeat, the hustle and bussle of the shoppers, the decorations, Christmas lights…the absolute joy I feel during the season celebrating Jesus.
I ran back into my future hubby on Christmas night many years ago, we had our first date a few days before New Years and decided to get married during the Holiday Season in ’07. December has always been a month to celebrate.
And now…now, I feel a dark cloud looming over my happy- joyous time of year. I just got the call. We had a failed IVF cycle, I am not pregnant. I have so much grief inside of me that the tears just keep coming. How could we have gone through all of that… And be unsuccessful? I have no clue what the future holds in store for us, or if we will give up on our dream of being parents. As of now I have never been so grateful to have a vacation planned in a few days. New Orleans has a way of making people feel good no matter what may be going on 🙂

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and love through all of this.
Happy Holidays,
Tk

The longest week of my life!!!

I remember my doctor explaining to me on the day of the transfer how terrible the 2ww (two week wait) would be. I laughed it off because after 3 years of trying to have a baby I have been through MANY 2ww’s. Little did I know how painful this wait would be. After all the time at the doctors office, tons of money and many shots it brings waiting to find out if we are indeed having a child…..intense! Wow, how will I ever survive another week of wondering?

Good thing I’m having a party this weekend to keep me distracted and staying in The Word also sounds like a great idea 🙂

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see”
-Hebrews 11:1

The Truth about Trying

On the eve of my egg retrieval surgery I feel the impulse to write this blog, so everyone who knows and loves me is aware I am not ashamed or keeping quiet about our infertility.

Infertility:  an inability to get or stay pregnant after a year of trying if you’re under 35, or six months if you’re older. 

A few months ago in Redbook Magazine I read an article called, “The Truth about Trying”.  It is a no-shame campaign for women (and men) who are unable to have children on their own.  Did you know that 7.3 million people suffer with infertility?  That is 1 in 8 women that will struggle with having a family.  Woah. That means that someone close to you is struggling and you may not even know it!

Something that I have come to notice through this three year journey is that people don’t openly talk about infertility.  This is horrible because it is such a sad and lonely time for any person to go through.  The feeling of wanting to be a parent so bad that it hurts is something that I wouldn’t want anyone to experience.  People really don’t want to hear about you not being able to get pregnant or know how to react to hearing it.  I can’t tell you how many people are shell shocked when they ask, “When are you both going to start your family?” and I tell them we have been trying for three years!  They usually regret asking the question. Or people like to give you advice on TTC (trying to conceive), “Stop trying and it will happen, just relax, if it’s meant to be you will have a child…. yada yada.”
FACT:  DO NOT give people advice about starting a family unless you have been through infertility and also please NEVER say, “Why don’t you just adopt. You know that they say you will get pregnant after you adopt?” Adoption is NOT a cure for infertility! 
SUMMING IT UP:  Try not to ask anyone when they are going to start their family, it is a very personal question.  If they want to tell you, they will.  Stick to “How is the weather?”  🙂

I have found by documenting our journey on this blog that it helps get my feelings out in the open and I have hopes that I may help someone going through the same journey find a friend to be able to relate to.  I met one of my most cherished friends on a Trying to Conceive Forum two years ago.  I have no idea how I would have gone through these past few years without her support.  Women need to reach out and talk about their feelings about this serious disease (yes, it’s a disease.)  I sometimes refer to infertility as a “club” and unless you are in it… you will never completely understand what it feels like not to be able to have a child.

My hopes are that people start talking about infertility more and become less ashamed.  Let’s get this infertility monster out of the closet!  You never know who you will touch just by telling your story.  Someone who has kept the secret of not being able to have a baby may feel joy by learning that you know what the pain feels like and they can connect with you at a heart level.


“It’s crazy to me that this topic is still taboo,” says participant Rosie Pope, 31, who talks about her battle to become a second-time mom — and her shock at all the denial out there — in her video. The star of Bravo’s Pregnant in Heels says, “A lot of people who have gone through IVF and managed to have kids shove it under the rug and pretend it never happened. In Hollywood, you can talk about your drug addiction or divorce, but not infertility. It’s a real disservice to women.” 
Read more: Dealing With Infertility – Trying to Get Pregnant – Redbook 

After 3 long weeks of shots, blood draws and ultra sounds.. tomorrow is my surgery to remove my eggs!  I am nervous and scared, but am excited that our IVF journey is coming to a close.  I am so proud of the woman that I have become in trying to become a mother, our marriage has become rock solid and we have and are overcoming the biggest trial we have had to face so far as husband and wife.  As we come up on our four year anniversary Thursday, I know that there is nothing we can’t overcome together 🙂
Now with a positive attitude and many prayers, we will hope for a safe transfer sometime in the next few days and a healthy pregnancy to follow  😉

If you or someone you know is struggling with Infertility please send them the article above or watch the videos from the link below.  Love on them, support them, and listen to them because all someone needs who is infertile… is a friend.
http://www.redbookmag.com/infertility-video-series/#v1223386553001

Blessings,
Tk

A very long week at the doctors office

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope that everyone else did as well!  Even with everything we have going on I felt that it was a successful first Turkey Day.  I will do a post in the next day or so, because it really did turn out fantastic 🙂

I can honestly say that never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would spend as much time at a doctor’s office as I have this week.  I have been to the doctor every morning for the past 6 of 7 days for ultrasounds and blood draws.  Luckily I had Thanksgiving Day off 🙂  I was supposed to have Saturday off as well, but the super duper blood draw people that I had to go Friday (because everyone else was closed) DIDN’T DRAW THE RIGHT VIAL!  Yep, you read that correctly.  I had to give blood on Friday for no good reason at all!  So then of course I had to go to another location that was open on Saturdays to do another blood draw so my RE could check my levels.  Special.  I’m pretty sure if I wouldn’t have done an acupuncture session on Friday I may have gone on a rampage, but I am finding it calms me down and I don’t get headaches anymore from all these crazy hormones 🙂

Going into this IFV journey I knew it would be an adventure, but this is almost on the verge of insanity.  Dr’s visits everyday, traveling to different locations to get my blood drawn since my cycle was not only on the weekend, but a holiday weekend no less, the two nightly injections and then deciding to do acupuncture as well…  I pray today was our last day of the shots and should find out at my appointment tomorrow morning if I need to do my “trigger shot.”  And that means only good things folks!!  🙂  My surgery is about 36 hours after the trigger shot and then we will become closer and closer to being pregnant.  I am praying that at this time next week I can truthfully say we are pregnant and then many prayers to follow to make sure the embryos grow into healthy babies 😉

Ps.  Of course I had to show a picture of how I am starting to look like a drug addict from all of the blood draws!

Almost there….. 😉

A day of many needles

We are already more than halfway done already with our IVF cycle! Hard to believe that next week we will be finished with this crazy stuff and hopefully be pregnant.

Today was a special day as I was stuck with more needles than most could imagine. I had my blood drawn (and an ultrasound) at my appointment this morning, my two daily super duper fun shots and my first accupuncture appointment. If I didn’t feel like a pincushion before, i do after today! The accupuncture isn’t a requirement, but after lots of research and a referral from a friend I decided it couldn’t hurt our chances of a successful transfer. Of course it is another added expense that isn’t cheap! We decided our child will now be born with gold chains AND a gold “grill.”. 🙂

I loved the accupuncture. It was one of the most relaxing things I have ever experienced and I have been in an amazing mood today. And for those close to me know, those days have been few and far between since starting IVF.
Things are good and moving along at a steady pace. I was told today that I now have to go into the dr again tomorrow, which leaves my only day off this week Thanksgiving. I am thankful for that for sure :).

Had another funny shot moment this weekend… The hubs and I went out of town for a night and decided to stop at the outlet malls in Roundrock on the way home. We shopped longer than we thought and before we realized it was 30 minutes past my shot time! We rushed to the car and Chris played chemist in the car and gave me both my shots. Hilarious. He kept worrying someone was going to call the cops and report us for doing drugs! Ahhh… This journey is at least bringing about plenty of laughs :).

Here’s to a great week!
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your friends and family!
Blessings,
Tk

A week in the bag!

Well, our first week of our IVF cycle is officially behind us. Besides feeling like one of those red tomato pincushions and a constant headache, all is well. Today is when the “big boy” shots in my rear end. Not looking forward to those VERY large needles! I can and will do this 🙂

Funny side note: we were told our injections should be within an hour of the start time each day. My best friend came home from Charleston this past weekend and I attended a friend’s wedding with her Saturday night. Since I had a timeline, my bestie gracefully gave me my shot in the bathroom of the historic Sunset Station :). And of course I had to take a picture to remember this hilarious event! I love that I will look back at this crazy journey and she will have had a special part in it.