Today was the day our IVF cycle became very real.
We received a LARGE box with all of the meds that I will have to be on this month. Holy jeeze! Here is a big, fun looking box at your doorstep and once you open it up…. It isn’t fun at all!
Chris actually opened the box because there is a sticker on the front that says to open immediately because some items may need refrigerated. I didn’t even ask him how he felt while unpacking the box, but it was quite overwhelming to look at when he sent me a picture.
At first glance, I felt like throwing up. 65% of the box is some kind of needle. I really, really, really hate needles. I am a previous “passer-outer” when it comes to shots/blood draws. The only good thing about my miscarriage was my ability to get used to shots after having my blood drawn every week for 6 weeks. It wasn’t until I got home tonight that it really hit me. I came into the kitchen and saw the display of the box’s contents on our kitchen table and tried to ignore it and started making dinner. As my meatloaf baked in the oven I decided it would be ok to start going through everything. A vial of some strange liquid here, a needle there, a big red needle disposal box…. I broke, and hard. It was definitely what you call an “ugly cry.” The flood of emotions on what we were having to do to have a child was taking control. My poor husband had no idea what to do with me. I did feel better once I let it all out, but I am pretty confident that this won’t be the last time I break down. I am keeping strong, focusing on the Lord and leaving no doubt that this will work but sometimes I can only help but be human.
My post-op and another ultrasound is scheduled with my RE Wednesday morning and that is the day that all of the fun officially starts. Until then I plan on having my last adult beverages and getting myself prepared for the next few weeks.