Today I have decided to come out of my blogging shell to share a little tid-bit that is really starting to drive me bananas. Hard to believe it has been almost a year since I have posted. I had all intentions of blogging more once my daughter was born in hopes of recording this new found life called motherhood. Didn’t happen.
Part of me was having a hard time putting my life out there in public and part being confused on where my blog was now headed. Since it initially started as a way to talk about my love of Bikram Yoga, then a “Trying to Conceive” journey as we fought to have children for over 4 years and finally a little of my life as a young 30 something dealing with a mom with early onset Alzheimer’s Disease. I am at a loss of where the blog should be headed, but figure a few posts here and there may help me with some direction.
I have now been extremely Blessed with a beautiful daughter and another on the way. Soon enough I will have two girls under 2. Lord help me! My mother is still in a “memory care” facility and is happy, but definitely not getting any better.
Now lets get into the reason while I felt I needed to get my thoughts written down. Pregnancy.
When a woman is pregnant I believe she should feel absolutely beautiful. She is growing a tiny human for petes sake! Yet, in my years of experiencing pregnancy I am noticing a lot of VERY tacky people. Now first let me tell some of you who may not have ever seen me in person a little about me. I am a stunning 5’1″ tall on a good day. I am not only vertically challenged, but have a short torso and have always been endowed. Oh the days I would dream about how I would look in a bikini with a long torso….
With my first pregnancy I remember around Christmas time (about 7 months or so pregnant), I came home crying to my husband one day because twice while I was out shopping that day I was asked if I was due soon. Of course when I told people I was not….some amazing comments have followed. “Is your due date correct?”, “Wow, your really big!” and my personal favorite.. “Are you sure it isn’t twins?”
This pregnancy is no different, but this time around I have much thicker skin.
Today got me all fired up because I went to go visit my mom and the lady at the front desk really annoyed me!! Luckily, my parents taught me to respect my elders so this sweet older lady will get no slack from me, but who says I can not write about it! 🙂
Going into mom’s facility you have to enter a code (memory care is a lock down facility with multiple codes needed in different wings.) When she saw me through the glass doors she pressed her super special button so I didn’t have to press the code. Then proceeded to tell me, “When I see you I just feel so bad for you because your just so big, I just want to help you out!” Really lady….
A few weeks ago while we were out at the Parade of Homes if I was, “Walking my baby out.” Hmmmm…. at 23 weeks I sure hope my daughter was not ready to be born!
Almost daily I get comments on the size of my baby bump and how big I am. I try not to let it bother me, but some days I really want to tell people exactly how they are making me feel. I’m pretty sure I don’t go up to random strangers and comment on their weight or personal appearance, so why people think it is OK to say things that honestly are none of their business BLOWS MY MIND!!
And let me also say that I am in the gym at least three days a week and my midwives say I measure right on track as I did with my first pregnancy.
Today at 28 weeks with my current daughter:
At 28 weeks with my first daughter:
Now as I end my rant today I know that the resolution is very easy… just don’t say anything to a pregnant woman! And if you do, only say how beautiful she looks.
PLEASE & THANK YOU!!
All women pregnant women past, present & future
When you first find out that you are pregnant you have that first spectacular ultrasound where you see that little “bean” on the screen and they measure it. From that and your last period date they give you that magical number… your due date! You go 9 months with that date constantly rolling around in your head. When your body starts showing that cute little bump it seems that you are saying it almost daily to strangers that ask. This magical date will be the day that your life changes forever… Now what happens when this date comes, then goes and no baby?
Today officially marks our 41st week of pregnancy. Goodness gracious. We have been ready for this little girl since week 38 and it seems like we have been waiting for eternity. I have nested all I can nest, I have cleaned and organized just about everything and frankly I am just bored! I am not one to sit down and watch tv all day and one of the last things I want to do is get dressed and waddle my large self around in public. Not to mention my maternity wardrobe is pretty slim because this belly is so big!
The amount of calls ,texts and Facebook messages on a daily basis are getting a bit overwhelming. I know that everyone means well and wants to see her, but it is about to drive me to drink. And I can’t drink, so it must stop! With everything being so stream lined and viral these days, everyone will know when she decides to make her grand entrance. I promise 🙂
Some days I get upset when I think about the one person who I always expected would be knocking down my door regarding updates on how I am feeling and how close we are to having her, is my mom. She hasn’t called me in weeks. I call her, but it just isn’t the same. I try so hard not to feel sorry for myself, but I just want my mom. I want her to hold me and tell me that everything is going be ok, let me know how strong I am, and how I am going to do great at bringing this angel into the world. I know this will never happen and mourn for my mom often. I absolutely hate Alzheimer’s and pray someday a cure is found.
The other part about being “late” is that other people freak out more than you do about her not being here. I used “late ” because my midwife says that a baby is not late until AFTER 42 weeks. I believe this mentality that babies should be born at 38-40 weeks is part of our “microwave society” way of thinking. Everyone has a time table and it is usually sooner rather than later or I need it now! That is why inductions are so common for women that have babies who are 40-42 weeks.
I can’t even count how many times people have said over the last week that I will have to have a c-section because she may be too big or that I should get induced and just get it over with! Grrr! The sad part is that it is starting to weigh on me. I am starting to worry that my dream of having my natural birth at a birth center may not be a reality. I even tossed around if I would be ok with being induced yesterday! I refuse to give up, not yet. I will stay strong and use whatever patience I have left to see how this little angel’s birth story plays out. My midwife has said that 41 weeks, 3 days is her guess.
That is Friday… time will tell. 🙂
As I start my 18th week of pregnancy I find it hard to believe this beautiful journey is halfway over! There are still days when I worry about the baby and have to look down at my ever expanding belly to remind myself that I am not dreaming. This is real. It finally happened. It has been such an enjoyable experience with no bad symptoms and I haven’t driven my husband crazy…. yet! 🙂
I am trying to soak in every moment of this experience, because I have no clue if we will ever be able to get pregnant again. I CAN’T WAIT to start feeling the baby kick, as I hear this is one of the most incredible parts of pregnancy. I “think” I have felt it, but am not 100% sure. I would also like to apologize because I know some of you thought that I would be posting non stop about this miracle and that hasn’t been the case! I am doing good just keeping up with the pregnancy journal! Part of me still doesn’t want to be “that” pregnant person on social media. I remember the pain and agony of reading fb/blog posts and all that was ever said was about their wonderful pregnancy and it would be a knife to my heart. I know our journey to parenthood has been a bit different, but only plan on posting every so often 🙂
This pregnancy really has torn me up in regards to my own mother. The fact that she has no clue we are finally expecting makes my heart break into pieces. When I was younger my mom would get so excited about her baby girl becoming a mother! I always imagined we would shop for the baby together, she would call me constantly bugging me about how I’m feeling and how the baby is doing and want to be apart of every special moment. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. When I see her every week she never mentions it. I have to remind her and she says “That’s so great”, but that is about it. This last week my belly really popped out and she asked if I was gaining weight. Super. My heart also breaks for my mom because I know she is upset she is where she is mentally and would change it if she could. Before her memory started getting bad a few years ago me having a baby was all she could talk about, she couldn’t wait! That was also one of the reasons why she moved to Texas after we were married was to be closer to her grandchildren.
I am trying not to feel sorry for myself or be upset about the situation because I do have wonderful people surrounding me, but she is my mother. She gave birth to me. I can only ask God to give me strength and wisdom as I enter motherhood myself to show our child how much I love them and enjoy every moment because life is short and you never know what the future holds. <3
Hello to all of my wonderful readers!
I figured I needed to write an updated blog post as it seems I have shocked many of you with our facebook announcement this morning 🙂 Your kind words seriously bring tears to my eyes and make both of our hearts so full!
First, I would like to thank each one of you who have prayed for us during this very long journey. We have heard so many stories of our faithful friends who have continued to pray and even churches praying for us! We are so very Blessed!!!
We started this journey of trying to get pregnant a little over three years ago and have done just about any and every infertility treatment, including the ‘big daddy”…IVF. After many failed attempts and a miscarriage in 2010, we decided to adopt.
It has now become almost humorous to hear people say, “See.. when you decide to adopt you get pregnant!” No. This is not the case at all. If you read my blog post from June (I think) I describe how we had put the adoption on hold so we could find a new house and make sure that my mom was taken care of. (Side note: We will still adopt from Africa.. the timing will just be a bit different.)
I give all of this glory to God! Every bit! It happened honestly when I decided to trust Him and gave my thoughts, dreams and life to Him completely. I am a bit of a control freak and even though I was a believer, I was still trying to take control of my life. That’s when it happened….. My lovely monthly visitor was late and SURPRISE! Au natural 🙂 Our life was about to change forever!
Now don’t get me wrong, the first trimester didn’t go without massive worries and I was still learning to trust in the miracle He gave us. I wrote a few blog posts during the 1st trimester that I didn’t publish until today. Some days were harder than others, but we knew we had Him on our side regardless 🙂 We are now well into our 2nd Trimester and expecting our little miracle in March!
I would like to close this post with how I told my precious husband we were having a baby. I found out on a Friday night and somehow kept a secret until the next day. We had an appointment with our realtor at the house we were about to put an offer on… we just knew it was going to be ours! I told Chris I had an errand to run before and would meet him there. When he arrived I was upstairs in the room that I knew we would make the nursery with pink and blue balloons that I had picked up. He looked a bit confused and I said, “So do you think this would be a good room for the nursery?” More confusion… I continued. “Sweetheart, we are finally going to be parents!!!”
Of course I had to take a picture of his face when he finally got it 🙂
Both of us in the room after Chris found out.
Thank you all again for your love and support. We honestly have some of the most amazing friends, family and prayer warriors. We still have to pinch ourselves that we are finally going to be parents, but couldn’t be more excited!!
We love you all.
Say hello to Baby H! Isn’t our little peanut perfect?? Last Thursday I saw the most amazing thing I have yet to see in my life, a heart beat for our child. When the dr did the sonogram and said everything looked perfect and that little “blip” right there was the heart beat, I lost it. An absolute ugly cry. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I couldn’t control my sobbing, I was so happy. The dr laughed and said the baby experienced it’s first earth quake! Ha ha funny man. He explained that once you see a heart beat in an early ultra sound that is a great sign that this really is the real deal 🙂
We are actually going to be using a midwife for this pregnancy (my birth plan since I can remember), and we saw her on Monday. She told us all looked well on her end and ordered some blood work to be done to make sure my levels were good. We heard back and all of the numbers looked great! Baby is right on track. Still strange to say, but I am having a baby!! All those days thinking I would never experience the miracle of having our own child have now been replaced by wonderful pregnancy symptoms. No complaints here though, I am Blessed.