This year for Valentine’s Day I had the opportunity to get out of town and head to LA for a week. This decision was not to be away from the most amazing man in the universe, (that just so happens to be my husband), but to happily run away from the memory of last year.
I honestly have never really liked Valentines Day. It is a stupid day that make men feel like they have to be rockstars for their significant other for just this one day. Then there are the people that do not have a lady/man friend that start dreading the holiday as soon as the Christmas tree is put in the garage. Stupid. Last year was the first year that I had actually ADORED the day, as it was the day that I found out for the first (and only at this point) that we were pregnant. I can still remember my heart racing… my stomach doing leaps of joy as somehow I made it out of the house without spilling all of the beans to my husband after taking a test! I wanted to surprise him. Over the last three years of trying to have a child I have had more ideas that I can even count on how to do it. Balloons, personal m&m’s, special dinner.. you name it, I had it planned in my head each month. I ended up at my little sisters house and she almost lost it when I told her her great news! The excitment was overwhelming for us both. Telling Chris that night was one of the most amazing moments of our life together thus far. That was then….
As I type this post hundredes of miles in the air on my way back home to Texas from Los Angeles, I feel that being away from my life on that day was a healthy decision. Our life has taken a new turn and we are now focused on adopting our son from Africa. The days of counting till ovulation, charting tempurtures, accupuncture, fertility medications….are a thing of the past. We are moving on to a new adventure of adoption not knowing if God does have us having our own biological child in the cards. I can honestly say both of our hearts are happy and complete because we know we are following God’s plan for us. 🙂
I will try to post Part 2 about my trip to LA soon, as it requires uploading pictures and it is still a pain to do since I can’t use my ipad to do it 🙂
It only seems fitting that these past few days I have been reflecting on 2011.
I am thankful that the promise of this new year makes the hope and anticipation of the future almost unbearable for me 🙂 I am excited for what 2012 will bring!
I have been a bit “blog silent” through the Holidays because honestly, I needed time to really work through the loss that we encountered with the failing in vitro cycle. I have read of some clinics around the country that actually offer counseling sessions before, during and after a cycle because it is such an intense process. Physically, spiritually and mentally… it is a tough cookie.
It takes my breath away to know that God had a hand on our family scheduling a vacation this past September for New Orleans during Christmastime. The vacation ended up starting three days after we got the sad news. The crazy part about IVF is that you have no say exactly on the dates to start. It took us over two months after the day we decided to take on this adventure to get the end results of a failed pregnancy.
There really is something about the charm about the city of New Orleans; plenty of tasty Cajun food, adult beverages, mechanical bulls (oh I sure did!) and the addition of my family that made some of the shock and sadness start to fade.
The city of the fleur de lis holds a special place in Chris & I’s our hearts because that was the spot of Chris and I’s first vacation together a few months after we started dating. It was the first Mardi Gras after Hurricane Katrina and boy was it crazy!! I’m pretty sure that the two of us knew we were meant to spend our life together after that trip. <3 Oh the stories we have…. 🙂
Here is us in 2006 and then in 2011 at Pat O’s.
It is amazing how fast 5 years can fly by!
I am Blessed that my love for my incredible husband continues to grow with each year that we have together <3
This past year may not have brought us a child as we had hoped, but in review it was a great year in every other aspect. Our business is continuing to grow to heights we never imagined with some incredible leaders that have some big dreams and goals, we moved into our first house that we hope to buy soon, my husband decided to get a job to help with insurance costs, and we took the proactive steps in becoming parents. There really is no other place to go than up in this New Year 🙂
With all of the craziness of The Holidays over and waking up to a brand new year this morning at my sister’s house, I am confident that 2012 WILL be the best one yet! The more time I spend with my little sister and my niece, I fall more in love with the idea of becoming a mother. It fuels me to keep fighting this fight of finally being “mom” and “dad.” I have to share this picture (one of the many) adorable pictures with my husband and my niece in New Orleans. He is honestly going to be the most amazing dad that I have ever known and it melts my heart. Jaidyn adores her uncle <3
Our follow up appointment with our RE about our failed IVF cycle is Tuesday morning. After a lot of praying and time spent talking (we drove to New Orleans for peets sake!) about what happened we have decided to go ahead and do a frozen cycle (FET) with our one remaining embryo. This will be a less intensive process as a “fresh” IVF cycle, but will still take some work with time at the dr and meds. I will post updates as soon as we get some actual information on what may have happened with the failed cycle and what steps we need to take to move forward.
Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts, love, and support during this journey 🙂 I know the prayers have continued to help soften the blows we have experienced along the way. The great news is we have already told our families that we WILL have a child by next Christmas, even if it means we have to start the adoption process 🙂
Here’s to a glorious New Year for us all!
It feels so strange to say that I’m pregnant! Even though I know that we physically saw the embryos that are in my body, we still have to wait a few weeks until we get an official positive on a pregnancy test. I am staying optimistic and not letting myself believe for one second that this will not work. I don’t even mind the VERY large needle that my husband is having to give to me in my butt every night because I know that it is helping the pregnancy!
The egg retrieval on Wednesday went well. It was definitely not one of my bravest moments though, as I was terrified. I think most of the problem was that the procedure was done in the back of my doctors office and not in a hospital environment. The very sweet nurse who did my IV was trying to push through anti- nausea medicine which made me feel like barfing and dying all at once. The poor thing didn’t know what to do with me! I think I would’ve been better if I was laying down instead of sitting, but who knows. Then the room that the procedure was in looked like a torture chamber and I thought about calling the whole thing off….. that is until I got the “happy juice” and fell fast asleep. I woke up from the anesthesia to the loud blaring of the fire alarm. Special. I was told that 12 eggs were taken out. The recovery wasn’t too bad except for being crazy bloated (not being able to wear anything but sweatpants bloated,) for two days. Thursday I got a call from the embryologist who told me 7 of those eggs were healthy fertilized embryos. Our running joke for those few days is that we had a “litter” somewhere in a petri dish 🙂
We were then told we would get a call Saturday morning to tell us if our transfer day would be Saturday @1 or Monday. We had plans to volunteer for our favorite charity, The Childrens Hunger Fund’s annual toy wrap Saturday morning. And as soon as we pulled into the parking lot I got the call that the transfer was to be that day! I was excited but also scared. Today was the day I was going to be pregnant! We stayed for a bit and then went to my first acupuncture appointment before the transfer. We were both in great spirits before the actual transfer because we knew that the journey of trying to become parents was coming to an end!
And another amazing thing is they gave us pictures of our babies (embryos) before they did the procedure. Wow. It is pretty cool that we can see our child(ren) before they are even visible babies!
It felt amazing to have my husband by my side through the transfer and I felt calm and at ease. After they made the transfer involving a catheter and the two embryos I asked Chris, “Was it as good for you as it was for me?” HA HA! I thought the embryologist and nurse were going to die they were so uncomfortable. Our doctor and Chris laughed 🙂
So.. the last two days have consisted of me being a couch potato (which isn’t as fun as it sounds.) I have to go back into the doctor Tuesday for a blood draw to check my progesterone levels. Then is the very long wait until the 15th when we go in for a pregnancy test. It’s going to be a very long 11 days!! Send prayers our way!
Have a great week,
Today was the day our IVF cycle became very real.
We received a LARGE box with all of the meds that I will have to be on this month. Holy jeeze! Here is a big, fun looking box at your doorstep and once you open it up…. It isn’t fun at all!
Chris actually opened the box because there is a sticker on the front that says to open immediately because some items may need refrigerated. I didn’t even ask him how he felt while unpacking the box, but it was quite overwhelming to look at when he sent me a picture.
At first glance, I felt like throwing up. 65% of the box is some kind of needle. I really, really, really hate needles. I am a previous “passer-outer” when it comes to shots/blood draws. The only good thing about my miscarriage was my ability to get used to shots after having my blood drawn every week for 6 weeks. It wasn’t until I got home tonight that it really hit me. I came into the kitchen and saw the display of the box’s contents on our kitchen table and tried to ignore it and started making dinner. As my meatloaf baked in the oven I decided it would be ok to start going through everything. A vial of some strange liquid here, a needle there, a big red needle disposal box…. I broke, and hard. It was definitely what you call an “ugly cry.” The flood of emotions on what we were having to do to have a child was taking control. My poor husband had no idea what to do with me. I did feel better once I let it all out, but I am pretty confident that this won’t be the last time I break down. I am keeping strong, focusing on the Lord and leaving no doubt that this will work but sometimes I can only help but be human.
My post-op and another ultrasound is scheduled with my RE Wednesday morning and that is the day that all of the fun officially starts. Until then I plan on having my last adult beverages and getting myself prepared for the next few weeks.
After getting the cost of the IVF medications (5 of them, mind you) yesterday, I decided that I am referring to our future child as Bling Baby!! This whole process is crazy expensive!! After the $30 doctor visits, the two payments to the fertility clinic, out of pocket lab tests, and now the shock of the costs of the meds… I dare not to even add it all up!!
I guess I find crazy that some people get knocked up after the first month of trying or an “oops baby” and then there are the special few that pay thousands for a child. I am thankful we have the ability to fund this very special dream, but also wonder… What happens to those who can’t?
Yesterday I went into the RE’s office yet again for a Pre operative check up. After a blood draw and yet another ultrasound I was out of there in about an hour. Even though I am terrified about this surgery in the morning.. DR. H still knows how to make me feel at ease! Praise God!
I still find it hard to believe that here I am… In the month that my baby should’ve been born if I hadn’t of miscarried, still dealing with the loss of our first pregnancy. It stll blows my mind that my body didn’t pass all of the pregnancy.
I am trying so hard to give all of this pain and frustration of becoming parents to God, but it is so very hard. Ever since I had to admit my older sister into the hospital room that she ended up dying in of cancer, I have been terrified of doctors and hospitals. And now I am constantly having to visit both in order to have the one thing I have wanted most in this world, a child.
He doesn’t give us more than we can handle…. Right?