Yep, you read it… we are pregnant! It honestly was a gift from God and all in His perfect timing. 🙂
I found out on July 6th and the past three weeks have been surreal. I am learning once again about faith and trusting the Lord in all that I do.
With our first pregnancy a year and a half ago I didn’t even have a thought of miscarriage when we first found out, I knew this was going to be our time. Sadly, it wasn’t and a few short weeks later our dreams of being parents were shattered.
This pregnancy I am finding myself much more cautious because I have felt that loss, that pain of having that dream so close to your heart ripped away. Even though the statistics are after my first miscarriage I am 80% likely to have a child with my next pregnancy, it is easy to doubt and put myself back into the darkness I felt after our first loss.
Our first doctors appointment is in two days. I am praying for a strong and wonderful heart beat.
I have already thanked God for a healthy child, because I do know that we will be parents one day. Praying that that day comes in 2013.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”
I love when you have that feeling deep inside of you that the best is yet to come! That incredible feeling of energy and desire that wells up inside of your gut and spills out of you at every moment of the day 🙂 Things have been amazing these past few weeks! For those of you that have following what has gone on in our lives these past few months, I never thought I would be “here.” At least this quickly. It’s amazing how wonderful our God is. I know in my heart I was able step past our stumbling blocks, over come and become an even better woman because of it, because of Him and the many prayers being sent our way! And for that…. I thank so many of you 🙂 My marriage is phenomenal, I am actively building our business (and doing a bang up job…if I do say so myself) and am Blessed in so many other ways.
Sitting at a traffic light today watching a lady who clearly thought she was too cool for school, smoke in her Hummer; I realized that tomorrow marks my 6 month anniversary of quitting smoking! Yes, sadly I have to admit that I WAS a smoker. Crazy coming from a girl who broke her mom(s) cigarettes as a child, (my mom and step mom still smoke), and would constantly fight and complain about them smoking! The love affair with those nasty little “smokey treats” first started my Senior year of high school as my girlfriend smoked. It then got worse my Freshman year of college at Texas Tech. Outside of our dorms, Chitwood/Weymouth, it was the “cool thing” to sit outside and smoke. You met people and created friendships. Many of my facebook friends will very vividly remember this! Then add in sorority/fraternity parties and adult beverages and I was screwed. Even in the years after graduating college I swore I would quit every year and each year I didn’t follow through. I hated being a “smoker.” Society makes you feel like a leper..and in hindsight, I was! With all that we know about how bad it is for you, being a smoker is idiotic! I will always have to say I smoked for 10 years. 10 years!! GROSS!
Not sure where the turning point was. I knew through our two years of trying to have our first child that I would of course quit when I got pregnant, but that day never came. I realized that my step-mom who was a smoker before she gave birth to my younger siblings, went back to smoking after she had her children. She quit because she HAD to, not because she WANTED to. Plain and simple. October 21st I decided I was done. Just like that… done. I still become amazed at myself when we are out somewhere or drinking that I don’t crave one. I have not touched even one. Firstly because I know how gross that first one will be (you smokers know what I mean) and secondly because I am sick of letting it run my life. Now don’t get me wrong…. I miss the talks sitting outside that smokers have. Smokers have a special bond when they are outside all night at a party or bar, but it isn’t worth it. My health is the most important thing that I have in this world. I plan on living a very long life and cancer does not fit into that plan.
Now don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all me. I do give MASSIVE credit to my love of Bikram yoga last year and the 60 day challenge that I did. When you are in a hot room at 105 degrees for 90 minutes almost every day for 60 days… all sorts of changes happen. Including the ability to DESPISE anything bad going into your body. I have given up Bikram (I promise I will post later about this) and have now started running at the park for exercise. Its funny because I could never run long distances before because my lungs just couldn’t handle it!!
A friend of mine has been asking me to go bike riding with her and last week I finally committed to going with her tomorrow. Today I fought going all day in my head to find reasons why I should not being going tomorrow. I’m TERRIFIED!! I was praying all day she wouldn’t call me back tonight with details. But she did, and I will be at her house at 8:30am tomorrow morning. Lord help me. 23 miles.
I’m learning it is the fear that actually makes you grow. Turning into a new person by fighting that “little devil” on my shoulder and pushing through and overcoming and trying new things no matter how much it may scare me. The funny part is that I know that this fear will probably turn into something I love. I was this terrified before trying Bikram as well.
All I have to say is I am SO THANKFUL I quit smoking because the best really IS yet to come 🙂
“We also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
-Romans 5:3-4 (NKJV)
I love the days when you feel like you have taken on the world! You put on your big girl star panties and suit up like Superwoman!! Today was one of those days for me and it felt oh so good. I needed it 🙂
The day started off amazing. My best friend and I have been making a regular appearance at the park by my house to jog…. AKA walk/jog, 4 miles almost every morning. Strangely I am enjoying the jogging. Since I have decided to give up Bikram yoga (post on this later on), I have been wanting to try something new. I am still going to try cycling with a friend in the near future, but I have a feeling running may be “it”. At least for now 🙂 Which means I will have to try my hand at a half marathon soon. Did I really just type that? Uh oh….
All in all it was a great day and I even did a few things for our business. Have I said lately that being self employed is AMAZING?! I love the ability to plan my day around doing what I want to do and then fit my business into the evenings or little areas of my day 🙂 Ahhh… this is how God really wanted us to live life.
Last Wednesday I made my weekly trip to good ‘old LabCorps for yet another blood draw to check my HCG levels. When I called the doctor Friday they told me it was at an 8 and we are DONE!! Whew! I never thought I would be so happy to not be pregnant. Now we are ready to try again for another little miracle 🙂
We are both doing really well despite our recent loss. Crazy how life still goes on even when you loose something you wanted so bad. It helps that we have a lot to look forward to in these next few weeks! Chris has been going to a Men’s Church retreat, Mancation for the past 3 years and is looking forward to his 4th the last weekend in April. It just so happens every year it has been on my Birthday weekend, so the girls always plan a trip while our men are away. We had an unforgettable (and CRAZY) time in South Padre last year, but this year we will be spending a relaxing weekend in a suite at the JW Hill Country Marriott here in San Antonio. 🙂
I plan on spending many hours at the adult only salt water pool and on a tube in the lazy river with an adult beverage in hand 🙂 With my girls by my side, it should be an incredible weekend!
Then the next week Chris and I fly off to Florida. We will spend a few days with my older brother, his wife and my adorable nephew Keelan. June will be a year since I have seen them and I miss them all TERRIBLY! I hate that they left Texas last year, but boy are they in a great place to visit 🙂
The best part of the trip is when we will drive south to Destin to stay in a VERY luxurious Bed&Breakfast on the beach! I have a “thing” with B&B’s. Their charm is intoxicating and I try to find one where ever I can! Featured in Southern Living: Henderson Park looks like it will be my best find yet! Adults only, free happy hour, full breakfast/lunch, towel/chair service on the beach… Can we be there NOW?!!
Nothing makes me happier than knowing the love of my life and I will be sitting on this beach in 3 short weeks 🙂 Turning 30 has NEVER sounded so good!
2011… Wow, can’t believe it is already a new year.
2010 started off great with our business in full swing and me feeling and looking better than ever with my weight finally off. Yet, tragedy seemed to follow with the death of BOTH of my beloved Grandparents. Then, on a momentous day.. the day my niece Jaidyn was born, our precious uncle Eddie had a heart attack and died. And of course another year of us being unsuccessful at getting pregnant and starting our family. Even though this last year was definitely a “learning year” and my LEAST favorite thus far, I know this next year will bring change.
One of the best things 2010 brought me was my Bikram Yoga practice that I started in May. I honestly can’t seem to get enough and I look and feel better than ever. I am now on Day 3 of my SECOND 60 Day Bikram Challenge. By the time I finish this current Challenge, I will have finished 2 – 60 Day Challenges in my first 10 months of practicing this yoga 🙂 I am very proud of this! No matter what obstacles 2010 threw at me, I know I made it through because of Bikram. Which is why I KNOW that 2011 is going to ROCK because there is nothing that I can’t sweat off in the hot room!
The hubby and I have a date night tomorrow night and we are going to set our goals for this year. I know high on the list is getting our debt paid off and to take further measures in figuring out why we haven’t had a child yet. I love the idea of a new year… a blank slate… I am so ready for this year of change.
It’s amazing what “serving” others can do for your mood. Today I woke up feeling horrible and in a terrible mood. As soon as we walked in the doors of CHF this morning, all bad feelings went away. When you walk in the doors of CHF you never know what you will be asked to do.
Today we had a FUN task (a little sarcasm.) We had to go through boxes of old used eye glasses and sunglasses and put 15 in a gift box to ship off to Mexico. Now, the first few boxes were wrapped in neat little plastic bags with prescriptions on them, but as the pallets started to decrease (look at the boxes stacked on the far right), there were boxes of glasses just thrown in a box! It got humorous to try on the different glasses and find odd things (including toothbrushes) in these boxes! My husband, mom and I took three hours of our life today to help an organization that is changing the world a little at a time. I challenge you when you have free time, to do the same 🙂
Imagine what the world would be like if we all took a little time out of our day/week/month to help others.
When I first started my Bikram Yoga Challenge I was 100 percent confident that I would finish it. And Saturday, after being over 20 days into the 60 day challenge, I thought about giving up.
Friday I ended up taking the day off because I spent most of the day in Austin with my family for my little brothers Birthday. Before heading to yoga Saturday I almost talked myself out of finishing. I can’t even put into words the “mental sparring” that was going on in my head in favor of either side. I did go, and HATED class. I was angry about class again again, the second time thus far in my yoga challenge. Now going Sunday was the deal breaker….. I went, and had an AMAZING class!
After another great class this morning I think back to how I felt this weekend and laugh. I think this yoga challenge is a great reflection on my everyday life. Life is a challenge; it’s tough work and if I give up or do not try my hardest than I am cheating myself. This challenge is teaching me more about myself and areas that I need to grow, in ways I never thought possible.
Its amazing what setting a goal can do.
“The virtue lies in the struggle, not in the prize”
-Richard Monckton Milnes